Comicology Face-off: The Golden Avenger VS The Dark Knight

April 11, 2008

For decades, fanboys and fangirls have argued about this epic match. Today, we once again examine the limitless possibilities of this bout, and hopefully, we piss a few fanboys off.

On the surface, both men are extremely successful captains of industry, dealing in technology. Both have been known to be playboys, having women jump into their lavish cars, waking up in their opulent quarters. Both men are philanthropic billionaires who could live the rest of their lives in the lap of luxury. However, it goes deeper than that. Both men have a strong sense of justice, and believes in doing everything necessary for the greater good. They are two men with bottled up demons (one more literally than the other, though), struggling in their world of heroes and villians. These two men have brains that can out-think almost anyone, making their technology and cunning their most devastating assets.

However deep the similarities, it’s time to step up. The time for words has long since passed. Now is the time for ASSKICKERY!

 

We’ll do it differently on Comicology, though. We’ll examine their battle on different fronts of their lives: as businessmen, as Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne, and as the Golden Avenger and the Dark Knight.

First, let’s delve into the titanic clash of the entrepneurial brainchildren:

Stark Industries VS Wayne Enterprises

S.I. and W.E. were both started by Tony’s and Bruce’s father and forefathers, respectively. Although Tony and Bruce were the ones who elevated and evolved their respective corporations, these were actually created by their fathers Howard Anthony Stark and the ancestors Thomas Wayne, great men.

Stark Industries originally started as a munitions and has now become a leading supplier for the US Military without having to deal in weapons. Wayne Enterprises has always been about the improvement of the life of mankind. Morally, Wayne gets one point, but we aint exactly talking about saints here.

Stark Industries has been developing armors, satellites and all sorts of technology for SHIELD and the US government, and that’s mainly where they get their income. Wayne Enterprises has its hand in almost everything, but most siginificantly is the development and sale of Brother Eye.

However, we always see Tony overseeing S.I., especially in the old days, because now, he deals primarily with SHIELD. Do we really see Bruce going over his financials or making and breaking deals? Not as often as Stark.

 

Stark Towers

In the Forbes Fictional 15 from Forbes.com, they list Bruce Wayne as #8 and Tony Stark only at #10. So, so far, they’re tied. But check this out, Wayne Tower really needs to fire their contractor.

 

Put on here: “Wayne Enterprises”?! yeah, real classy.

Okay, so Stark Tower does get obliterated every goddamned issue, but at least, every time you see it, it’s always shiny and rebuilt.

Winner: Stark Industries

In the next match, we see how Tony and Bruce do when they go toe-to-toe- no armor, no costumes, no gadgets, no vehicles, no powers! But they’re allowed to wear clothes.

Anthony Edward Stark VS Bruce Wayne

Okay, Tony Stark may have been trained by Captain America with basic fighting techniques, but Bruce Wayne is Batman with or without the suit. Bruce Wayne is one of the best martial artists and combatants in the entire DC Universe, and that’s definitely saying a lot in a world where Wild Cat, The Question, Black Canary and Karate Kid exist. Tony Stark won’t be able to catch his breath.

 

I mean, c’mon, look at him, holding his wad of money, with that shit-eating grin.

Brucey’s been training for years. He’s had to rely on nothing but his fighting skills, cunning and brain, because he isn’t exactly Superman or Flash. And even though Tony does have that super manly ’stache, that won’t be enough to stop the lightning and thunder of Bruce’s kick of FURY! Besides, all Bruce has got to do is break a bottle of Jack Daniels over Tony’s head and Tony’ll finish the fight, trying to lick his head.

 

Any guy who thinks seeing a bat is an omen has got to be bad ass.

Winner: Bruce Wayne

So far, we’re all tied up. A lot of people say that men are defined by their enemies, so let’s take a look at each other’s rogues.

Iron Man Rogue Gallery VS Batman Rogue Gallery

For as long as there have been super heroes, there have been super villians. This is simply because it’d really be no fun reading a comic book about Iron Man doing his laundry or something like that.

Iron Man doesn’t really have that wide a range of baddies(in his solo career, at least), and the ones that he does have all kinda fall into categories- corporate saboteurs, armored guys and Chinese guys. Batman, on the other hand, has one of the most diverse, most colorful and most memorable bad guys; but, who are these guys, really?

Let’s take a look at their main opponents.

For Iron Man: The Mandarin. A crafty genius who has the power of the Malukians imbedded into his frickin’ spine.

 

Herro Thar!

For Batman: The Joker- A psychotic murderer with tons of tricks up his sleeve.

 

Yep, that won’t do much against the flippin’ Mandarin, dude.

In a toe-to-toe battle, Mandarin would pick Joker apart. Joker would be laughing that manic laugh of his, while The Mandarin tears him limb from limb with his super martial arts. Mandarin would permanently wipe Joker’s smile off his face with a blast from one of his rings of power.

Batman’s foes are generally masters of mindfucks, and that probably explains why Bats is so mentally raped. Iron Man’s foes are powerful alien-technology wearing, ultimate armor-wearing, giant-roboty motherfuckers.

Winner: Iron Man’s Bad Guys

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the slugfest of the century- win by any means necesasry:

Iron Man VS Batman

Iron Man is a genius, with a suit of armor that can total a whole city, and the Extremis.

Batman is a genius, with the martial arts expertise of a Chinese kung fu flick, and a whole array of gadgets and gizmos.

With prep time, Batman can take anyone down. At least, that’s what they always say. Batmans plans apparently never go awry. Iron Man is no slouch in that department, he’ll think of something, too.

Back in the old days, I’d give this cleanly to Batman, having devised a plan to render the armor useless. And he won’t be using that E.M.P. trick, too, since Iron Man’s wise to that now. He’ll do something entirely different, and it’ll work. Batman would then extract the meatbag inside the armor and have his way with him. Yeah, I could mean that.

 

He IS the goddamned Batman!

However, with the Extremis, Iron Man could render all of Batman’s tech useless, and even tap into the Watchtower’s fucking SUPER SPACE CANON and blast his own location, obliterating everything around him, including Bats, whilst keeping himself safe with a force field.

 

Yep, just like that! BOOYAH!

Yeah, but then, Batman would take measures to stop that from happening. He’d find a way to disable the armor. But you gotta remember, Bane broke Batman’s back, and I think Iron Man knows Batman is allergic to repulsor blasts to the FACE.

Hm… A conundrum, isn’t it? This is how Comicology thinks it’s going down.

After the advantage shifts back and forth, until Batman’s all too human body suffers from too much fatigue, while Tony Stark’s Extremis enhanced armor still functions. Then KABOOM! Repulsor blast. To the face. And if that isn’t enough for you, lookit! I have proof!

Oh, but wait…

Guess this doesn’t solve anything. -_-