Fifteen Best Guys-In-Tights Movies of ALL TIME! (5-1)
April 30, 2008If you’ve been following Face Rockery and Cinemabuzz for the past couple of days, you have been witnesses to The Top Comic Book Movies of All Time according to three nerds from the Internet. If you haven’t, then you must be ashamed of yourself, you short-cut taking bastard. Redeem yourself by checking them out here, and here.
The suspense must be killing most of you non-shortcut-taking people. Worry not, my friends, for the time has come! Like any great epic ending, it must be full of ASSKICKERY and AWESOMENESS. Our list was not designed to disappoint, so be prepared to dip your mindsticks into the sauce of Asskick and Awesome.
Let’s get this shit started then!
#5 X2: X-Men United (8.57/10)
Comicology: By far, this is my favorite X-Movie. The series went from okay to FUCK YES to WHAT THE FUCK? They really should’ve kept Singer on-board for the whole thing, and made Mystique naked, but we can’t have our cake and eat it, too.
With X-Men, we were all awestruck with shit like optic blasts, adamantium claws, and mind bolts. With X2, we were given all that, elf bamfing, ice slinging, fire flinging, a mutant team-up with the baddies and a bag of extra awesomesauced potato chips.
My only problem with this movie is that it could have easily been called “Wolverine and Mutant Friends.”
Face Rockery: The opening scene with Nightcrawler infiltrating the White House was simply golden. You rarely see something new in movies these days, and the Nightcrawler scene is one of those rarities. I fell in love with
Although this is not my favorite X-Movie, I can say this is my favorite X-Movie cast. The addition of Brian Cox (LOL) as William Stryker, Allan Cumming as Nightcrawler, Aaron Stanford as Pyro, and the yummy Kelly Hu as Deathstrike gave the franchise a fresh feel to it.
Cinemabuzz: LOL Face Rockery, not only did you say “Cox,” you also said “Cumming.” And you took the words right out of my mouth with the opening sequence. That has got to be my all-time favorite scene in any given comic book movie.
And I know I’ll be getting a lot of flak for this, but Gambit is one of my favorite characters, and it made me pee a little in my underpants when I saw his name being flashed on the screen of Lady Deathstrike’s computer as it was being hacked by Mystique.
#4 Batman Begins (8.77/10)
Comicology: I really think that is THE Batman movie to define all Batman movies. First of all, there are no more Bat-Nipples.
Was Bale the best choice to be Batman? There are probably better, but he was definitely a good choice. He was able to capture the suave Bruce Wayne and the brutal Batman.
The way Batman worked in Begins was exactly the way a Batman in real life would work- without Bat-Nipples, jumping from building to building, and disappearing while someone’s talking to him, like a rude prick.
The costumes were good, no more Bat-Nipples and the guy could finally turn his neck around a reasonable angles. The vehicle, although it may seem more realistic, is not the fucking Batmobile. The Batmobile should be sleek, yet powerful, like a James Bond car.
My biggest peeve was the shaky cam close-up fight scenes. I saw the making of the film, and they had some pretty unique martial arts experts to help with the fighting, but all you could see was one big clusterfuck of a blur.
Face Rockery: Brilliant casting? Not entirely. I’m still scratching my head over Katie Holmes. Seriously, who doesn’t hear Paula Cole’s “I Don’t Want to Wait” playing in their head whenever they see Ms. Holmes?
Aside from that little casting pet peeve, the movie delivered Batman to the world as he should be: gritty, scary, and damn Kung Fu-tastic!
Cinemabuzz: I loved how they didn’t just throw the Joker in there, when people were probably expecting him from the get-go.
And I think that this is the comic book movie version of Doug Liman’s The Bourne Identity; it’s just one of those genre-shaking pieces that will certainly influence dozens of other origin stories to come. Sure, we’ll still have the cartoony types like Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four, but Batman Begins brought a sense of realism like none of its kind ever did. Hell, they even made the Batmobile seem legit.
#3 Frank Miller’s 300 (8.97/10)
Comicology: Like I said with
The effects were, in the truest sense of the word, awesome. The fighting was dynamic, and it had none of that super close-up, blurry, shaky fight scene shit. For all the heavy editing it went through, the feel of the fights was unmitigated rawness and rage.
Dialogue may not have been the best in the universe, but I still shout “THIS IS SPARTA” whenever I kick my little sister down the stairs for fun.
Face Rockery: Ah, yes. The movie goldmine for awesome one-liners.
The visuals on this are in no way the first of its kind. It has been done before. But never like this. I’m seeing 300 as the benchmark for awesome movie visuals in the years to come, especially comic book movies.
Cinemabuzz: Also, you just can’t go wrong when you’ve got the guy who played Faramir in the Lord of the Rings movies narrating your film. Especially when the said guy sounds like The Falconer from Saturday Night Live.
When I first saw it, my brain almost literally turned into shit. But with a couple of repeated viewings on DVD, it kinda got a bit tiresome. Still, there’s no denying the major dent that it left when it barreled into theaters in 2007. It even holds the not-so-great-honor of being the first comic book movie to be warranted with a major spoof.
#2 V for Vendetta (9.00/10)
Comicology: Political drama, intrigue, corruption, oppression, compelling dialogue, masterful performances, Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, a dude in a Venetian mask flinging knives at people = MOTHERFUCKING WIN.
I’m quite disappointed that this didn’t top our list, this was awesome. Out of all the comic book movies, I enjoyed this most, purely as a movie. I didn’t even read V for Vendetta, though I think I’m slightly retarded for not doing so. I’m not sure, though, if that helped the impact of the movie for me or took away from it. I’m happy either way.
The movie just really pulled me in, like drugs and alcohol to the entire fan base of Courtney Love.
Face Rockery: I share Comicology Guy’s infatuation with this movie. And underage girls.
Some comic book movies reel you in with their visual, some with how their story progresses. V for Vendetta reels you in from all sides! The visuals are crisp and sleek, yet it also carries an aura of desolation. The story doesn’t just pull you from one scene to another. It makes you enjoy the dialogue, the imagery, and the poetry of it all.
Also, it made me enjoy Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. Seriously, you guys. I’ve never felt so sophisticated while watching a comic book movie in my life.
Cinemabuzz: On my DVD cabinet, the top-most level is a special section for some of my most treasured titles. There, you will find TNA Wrestling’s The Best of the X-Division Vols. 1 & 2, Tenacious D’s The Complete Masterworks, that Transformers DVD which has a case that literally morphs into Optimus Prime, and of course, Trannies In Training: The Ultimate 10-Disc Collection.
Right up there with those titles is this little 2-Disc Limited Set with a free comic book called V For Vendetta. And there isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said by my two cohorts here; it just is a cut above the rest. If you haven’t seen it yet, go do yourself a solid and buy it. Then watch it. Then die happy.
Comicology: And now… THE GREATEST COMIC BOOK MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
#1 Spider-Man (9.27/10)
Comicology: Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Makes as much money as a Spider-Man can! This movie decimated all other movies in the box office, making Marvel Spider-rolling in spider-money.
This movie stands out because it was THE Superhero movie. Everything you expected a Spider-Man movie to have, you found in this movie. Although the trilogy did get dumber and dumber as it went on, no one could take away Spider-Man’s impact on comic book fans worldwide.
But I think Iron Man will take Spider-Man’s place in the next list we make in five years. If not, I’ll kill both of you, and replace you with Skrulls.
Face Rockery: Well that’s a very Skrully thing to say. Anyway…
It’s iconic. It’s engaging. It’s entertaining. It’s perfect. That’s a bold claim, but I stand by it. I mean, there’s drama, there’s action, and there’s comedy. Casting? Flawless. Script? Pulls you right in. Visuals? Legendary. The Superman movie made us believe that a man can fly. Spider-Man made us believe that a teenager can crawl on walls, swing from skyscraper to skyscraper, and kiss a wet chick upside down.
Let me just reiterate that this is THE Superhero Movie.
Cinemabuzz: The word “awesome” gets tossed around a lot these days. Like when a friend says “The girl I’ve been crushing on just texted me!” or “After 23 years I finally grew hair on my left armpit” or “I killed a man today,” your immediate reply would be “Oh yeah? That’s awesome.” But “awesome” doesn’t even scratch the surface when describing this film.
Let’s just put it this way: this was the only comic book movie I saw which warranted a standing ovation from the entire, jam-packed audience on opening day.
And just to knock it into your goofy heads one last time: this is THE Superhero Movie of superhero movies. End of story.
Comicology: So, there you go, people, that’s THE LIST. Our opinions are the only ones that matter anyway. If you wanna share any of your thoughts, please, feel free to comment. If you wanna start a flame war, go to Cinemabuzz or Face Rockery and tell them Comicology Guy sent you.
Previous Comments
I blame you guys for getting me hooked to comic books after a decade-long hiatus but I can’t believe this from you…
V for Vendetta at No.2?! Over 300 and Batman Begins?
Posted by John at April 30, 2008, 5:19 am@CM
Don’t you just love Hugo Weaving’s perpetual bedroom voice?
@John
We aim to please. Comics are awesome, yo.
And so is V for Vendetta. We couldn’t get over the super shaky cam of Batman Begins, and 300 was too much of stabby stabby one liners to get the top spot. At least, in our book. It also doesn’t help that I gave V for Vendetta a 10.
Posted by comicology at April 30, 2008, 10:16 amI can’t believe you ranked Spider-Man 2 lower than Sider-Man. C’mon, the Goblin’s costume was HORRIBLE. Also, “The vehicle, although it may seem more realistic, is not the fucking Batmobile.” No siree, that Batmobile was Frank Miller’s Batmobile in The Dark Knight Returns.
Posted by Ade at April 30, 2008, 10:23 amStill no Batman Returns. I hate you guys.
Posted by Pau at April 30, 2008, 10:34 am@Ade
I read Dark Knight Returns, and its Batmobile didn’t look like a fucking SUV to me.
Posted by comicology at April 30, 2008, 10:48 amI’m probably the only guy who thinks Sin City is, overall, a much better flick than 300, but they both ooze with style. Sin City’s acting is better, though, as it isn’t merely just full of macho-screaming and “freedom” platitudes. And it’s perhaps the only movie that I found Jessica Alba lovable.
I was a bit let down by V for Vendetta. It’s a decent flick, yeah, but I hated how Wachowski made it more one-sided than the source material. I loved the “Cry Me A River” song though (psst, I have that song uploaded on my blog and you can read it in my entries about ja- [/shameless self-publicizing]).
I’d kick Batman Begins down a few spot because I hate Katie Holmes with a passion! What the hell is she doing in that flick anyway? The only movie where Katie Holmes won’t look so out of place with Christian Bale is American Psycho! Also, that Henri Ducard final encounter was rushed. And what the hell is Batman and Batman Returns NOT DOING on this list?!
WHY IS SPIDERMAN 1 NUMBER 1?! HUH! YOU’RE THAT CRAZED ABOUT KIRSTEN DURST’S NIPPLES?! Yeah that must be it. Seriously, what! You liked the second half of the flick? I hated it and it felt too much like Power Rangers to me.
Anyway, goob jod on all three of you for making this list!
Posted by Nightdreamer at April 30, 2008, 11:14 amHEY I LOVE POWER RANGERS: THE MOVIE!
Posted by Ade at April 30, 2008, 3:45 pm@Ade
Also, I did my research. Yes, BB batmobile kinda looks like the one from TDKR, but the one from TDKR is a TANK, with treads, not wheels. And it occupies almost three lanes.
The TDKR batmobile was built like a tank. The BB batmobile was built to be a Batmobile that looked like an SUV.
@Nightdreamer
Dude, they’re just opinions. Yours will differ from ours. Hell, our opinions greatly differed from each other, but we put our heads together and came up with a numeric way to rank the movies.
Posted by comicology at May 1, 2008, 12:43 amSince this are the internets, I will spew my opinions on all you, starting NOW!
X-men 2: Good, but better with gay Singer.
Batman Begins: I concur, best Batmovie evar. Tim Burton’s batman weakens in comparison.
300: Overrated. Weak plot. Comic book also had weak plot so this is not movie’s fault. Also, everyone keeps screaming. It was very pretty though. Would have had this at #16
V for vendetta: I agree, but maybe not as high as #2
Spiderman: Ah yes, the one that stated it all. It would be number one for me if not for…IRON MAN! Which is now number 1 comic book movie ever!
Special Mentions: Mystery men. They had a character who threw spoons, and a leader whose power was…to get very ANGRY! Priceless.
Barb Wire. Ah, remember the days when Pamela Anderson was hot and hadn’t been used up by washed out musicians?
Posted by Ryan at May 1, 2008, 8:15 pmAlso this top 15 just became old because of the awesometastic bonerrific IRON MAN movie that just blew away my mind spirit and penis to hell and back!!
Iron man can easily make it to at least top three.
well, I guess next time!!
Posted by avatar at May 1, 2008, 9:05 pm@Ryan
Oh yeah, Mystery Men! Man, I loved that! It doesn’t exactly qualify as a comic book movie, though it does qualify as a guys-in-tights movie.
That spoon guy was awesome. Rajah, I think his name was. And Ben Stiller, and that dude who just kept saying nothing that made sense. You’re right, that should’ve made number 1.
@avatar
Iron Man blew your penis… to hell? Damn, must’ve been that good a movie.
Posted by comicology at May 1, 2008, 10:46 pmHow does mystery men not qualify as a comic book movie? It’s an actual dark horse series!
The blue rajah!
The Shoveller: You’re the master of cutlery. You can’t throw a knife sometimes when someone’s trying to kill me?
The Blue Raja: No, I can’t. You can’t use a rake sometimes?
The Shoveller: No, I’m the Shoveller.
The Blue Raja: Well, I’m the Blue Raja. I’m not Stab Man. I’m not Knifey Boy. I’m the Blue Raja.
ok so it wasn’t a comic and i made all that up.
Posted by Ryan at May 2, 2008, 1:24 pm@Ryan
Hah! But still, they should come up with a comic series.
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It’s official. My favorite film among all 15 is V for Vendetta. Remember, remember the 5th of November and all that shit.
Posted by CM at April 30, 2008, 3:13 am