These guys really deserve an on-going comic series!

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Throughout the entire history of everything, comic  books have given us icons and legends and celebrities and superstars. Isn’t it high time that we returned the favor to some considerably awesome characters that may or may not have been forgotten, but seriously deserve a comic book series?

The answer to that is yes. Yes, it is high time.

These characters are from yesteryear, and maybe some of us have never heard of them, maybe some of us just plain don’t remember them. Either way, we must pay homage to them, my friends.

If they get an on-going monthly comic book series, then all will be right with the world. We will be making the universe a better place. Instanly.

Mightor

The guy gets points for efficiency right away. Mightor? Mighty Thor in ONE WORD! He’s that POWERFUL. So Blondie’s got Mjolnir? This dude’s got a fucking CLUB! How much more direct to the point can you get? He uses it to smash things and to un-fix stuff.

What does Thor do with his phallic object? The guy swings it around and makes hurricanes and whatnot. He could use a wand for that. But my boy Mightor here, he just needs his big piece of wood.

So yeah, Thor hangs out with Frost Giants and elves and demons and gods. Mightor here, he hangs out with fucken’ DINOSAURS. Dinosaurs, yo. Giant lizards that (and science can’t disprove this yet) BREATHED FIRE and ILL WILL TOWARDS MEN!

A monthly title would be just like the episodes. He’ll have his dorky sidekick get kidnapped and he’ll call upon his trusty dinosaur to rescue him. You know, sort of like Batman. So the writer for this title should be Grant Morrison. Art can be done by a six year old mongoloid with a pencil and coloring materials.

SPACE GHOST

Nova aint got nuthin’ on this dude. He’s a flippin’ GHOST! IN SPACE! Give yourself a couple seconds to wrap your feeble mind around that concept. He’s a GHOST… IN SPACE! IN A YELLOW CAPE!  WHO BLASTS SHIT WITH HIS HANDS! WHO FIGHTS WITH A GIANT PREYING MANTIS!!

If that isn’t a solid gold comic book concept, I don’t know what is. I must be a retard.

So he flies through space with his team of sidekicks- a girl, a boy and a monkey (gotta have the monkey), and he defeats bad guys. Lots of them. None of them stand a chance against a ghost in space, really. Zorak can suck on Space Ghost’s FANTASTIC cape.

I did find out, however, that Space Ghost did have a comic book series in 2004, and the legendary Alex Ross did the cover art-

Go ahead and be a faggot and tell me that’s not AWESOME.

Alex Ross will be the artist because he’s done it before and Ross can make anything look majestic. The writer should be someone who enjoys making space adventures- it would be no none other than Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning, Keith Giffen,  Javier Grillo-Marxuach, and Simon Furman- the dudes who wrote Annihilation.

Dino Riders

No matter how you slice it, dinosaurs are just absolutely fucking cool. So take that factor, and add ALIENS, A BLIND WISEMAN, A DUDE NAMED GUNNER, DINO ARMOR AND LASER CANNONS!

If that doesn’t blow your mind, you’re gay and suffering from the pretentious douchebag syndrome. I suggest you go pick a fight with an inmate to cure yourself of that.

It’s going to be an entire comic series based on this mythos, with tons of crossover. Imagine if Batman were around. He’d be riding one of those Pterodactyls with bat logos and spiffy gadgetry. Or maybe Green Arrow, riding a fucken’ Triceratops with a huge-ass cross bow mounted on its back?

It’d be a world of utter dino vs. dino chaos. Brontosaurus VS Tyranosaurus Rex in armored alien vs. human SMACKDOWN! And for that, we’d need Bob Gale- the guy who wrote the atrocious Amazing Spider-Man Freak storyline. Why? Because even he can’t mess up Dino Riders. For art, we’ll just use pictures from Encyclopedias and photoshop dino-armor on them. No one can tell, really.

Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light

Knights who turn into magical animals and have magical staffs that produce monsters, wisdom, knowledge, fear and other cool stuff that I can’t cram into a page because it’s too AWESOME. The amout of pure unprocessed raw awe would kill me.

Spectral Knights against the Darkling Lords. I’m pretty sure you can guess which ones are evil, and which ones are the shining beacons of light and goodness. Classic tale. Science fails, so they turn to magical stuff they don’t have to explain- like OMD.

Swords, battle axes and armors are always a good combination. It makes for epic Lord-of-the-Rings type of feel. Now, take that, and mix it in with animals, magic and power staffs. That makes for a LEGENDARY comic book.

They also recite a lot of poetry like-

"A whim, a thought, and more is sought. Awake my mind; thy will be wrought!"

and

"Oh mist-filled pits, dark, dank, unclear, Touch all before me with frost-fingered fear!"

I understand that this originated as a comic book, and now it has to come home. There were a whopping eighteen more characters that were supposed to be introduced by the cartoon and the toy line were cancelled before they could unleash the awesome. If one of those characters was supposed to be a fucking dinosaur, then it is a crying shame. A damn crying shame.

That means we need a poetic scribe- JMS! Art has to be incredible. It has to be so damned good, that only people like Marko Djurdjevic and Gabrielle Dell’Otto and Simone Bianchi can handle it.

Dinosaucers

If you’ve learned anything by reading up to this point, it’s that dinosaurs are automatic sources of KICKASSERY. Normal dinosaurs are already amazing, but what more if they’re fully evolved ALIEN DINOSAURS!? Right now, you’re wiping your face off the floor because the awesome just melted it.

The good guys, the Dinosaucers, had the ability to Dinovolve (which is now part of the English Oxford Dictionary because it was too awesome to be left out), wherein they would devolve into their non-humanoid dinosauric form while retaining their intelligence and ability to speak. So alien dinosaurs and actual dinosaurs IN ONE SERIES!

Have Matt Fraction helm this, and it’ll literally, with land mines and bazookas, blow everything out of the water. Art can come from anyone versatile, like Frank Cho or Ed Benes.

Birdman

The MAN’S SUPERHERO, Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirdman! Guy’s even got a whole team as sidekicks- The Galaxy Trio.

A whole superhero team, yo! And, to make things even better, Birdman has a sidekick- that eagle- Avenger and the boy with the gayest name of all superherodom- BIIIIIRDBOY!

It’s a whole family of superheros obsessed with BIIIIIRDS. But to make it more interesting, he’ll be a laywer, too. You know, just like in HARVER  BIRDMAN: Atty at law. And of course, we’ll have Mr. Ed Brubaker write this and we’ll get noir-esque artist Michael Lark on it.

SWAT KATS

THE RADICAL SQUADRON? Yes, motherfuckers, the radical squadron.

What’s more awesome than a tricked-out F-14 that launches out of a junkyard? A tricked-out Triple Engine F-14 that launches out of a junkyard piloted by two ASSKICKING cats!

For the comic series, it should get gritty, though- hell, even Punisher-esque. Their ordnance should be upgraded for maximum KILLAGE! If you remember the series, then you remember how pumped up you’d get whenever Razor and T-bone would wear their gear and take the TurboKat out for a spin.

The writer should be anyone who has ever written The Punisher and/or The Midnighter and/or Moon Knight, and the art can only be done by Chris Bachalo and Humberto Ramos!