Are you ready to be disappointed?

I posted about the awesomeness of Hasbro’s 3 3/4 inch Fury Files action figures a few weeks back, and I speculated that they looked as if they were destined to destroy the 6 inch line entirely. I opened up Marvelousnews today, and got the wind knocked right out of me.

All my excitement got flushed down the crapper, along with the hopes of ever seeing a new 6 inch line reach our shores. Seriously, if the 3 inchers are crap, and no one buys them, Hasbro might give up the ML line for good. And that, my friends, that’s not good.

We all know that in the toy collecting business that prototypes and initial shots will never be like the mass produced ones. For one thing, creating one figure could allow the sculptor to give the item more time and attention, the plastic used will be of better quality and shots were probably ’shopped. A little degradation of quality is to be expected. Just like I was taken aback when I saw that the Nemesis Wave Frank Castle looked like a mongoloid.

So if you’re ready to feel a little disappointed, read on.

To the left are the actual products, and the ones on the right are the initial prototype shots.


 

Black Panther- Look at that! HAPPYMEALIZED! Can you see how much shinier the prototype is, and how cheap-looking the actual product feels? The biggest disappointment would be his hands. The protype’s hands look viscious; the actual products’ hands feel like they’re getting ready to give a massage to someone’s testicles.

 

 
Bullseye-Let’s not even talk about the lead-rich paint of the prototype. Look at the actual Bullseye’s shitbag eating grin. That doesn’t say “psycho killer,” man. That says “Hi, my name is Lester.” But what really throws me off is the proportion of the body. G.I. Joes don’t have that body type, so whey then did the Marvel ones turn out like they have a life form waiting to burst out of their rib cages and bowling pin heads?

Daredevil- This is where I am most disappointed. You notice how I don’t even take the effort to open up a fucken’ thesaurus to look up another word for “disappointed?” Yeah, I’m putting in as much effort as Hasbro did-bare minimum. When you see the actual Daredevil’sbilly clubs, you’ll go “What in the fuck is he holding? Those be some damn kinky double-dildos.” What in the fuck happened to prototype Daredevi’s AWESOME billy clubs?! I was looking forward to this figure the most, and now… meh. Same proportion problems as with Bullseye, too. At least DD doesn’t look like he isn’t selling cars.

 
Human Torch (Flame On)- Okay, yeah, wow, this isn’t so bad, actually. Besides the paint quality and attention to detail and the quality of flame, this isn’t so bad. Well, we can’t expect Hasbro to give us the quality of paint and plastic for what we’re willing to pay for these.

 
Human Torch (Flame Off)- Thankfully, they don’t hate Johnny Storm as much as they hate everyone else. This isn’t so bad, really. This falls within the reasonable deterioration of quality from prototype to mass produced toy. The face looks cleaner, too, and more normal and less fucken’ EVIL.

Iron Man- Um, okay,  except for the positioning of the blast, I like the actual figure more than prototype. What I don’t understand is why we can’t get the fucking EXTREMIS armor, Hasbro? That’s what he’s been using for what? THE LAST 37 issues, motherfuckers! I mean, really?! How long has it been since Iron Man has even touched that fucking armor? Oh yeah, 37 issues! GODDAMN IT!

 
The Punisher- Huzzah for cheap plastic! YAY FUCKING HAPPY MEAL TOY! Pure black, good? No wash? Bad. Bazooka? Good. Face that looks like it was yanked off a Superhero Squad Punisher? Unthinkably, horribly bad. It’s as if there was a quality assurance guy at the factory who assured that quality wouldn’t exceed the level of suckiness he equates his childhood to, and the happiness to which he equates it. Somewhere in damn China.

  
Silver Surfer- This is an example where it is obvious that the prototype was shown just to taunt the excited toy fans. They were all “Hey, check out the cool shiny Silver Surfer, who’s in a good scale to look awesome next to your BAF Galactus! And look, he doesn’t suck!” And all the while, they were snickering behind our backs. Happy Mealized! Oh, Hasbro, you have my permission to use lead in your paint again. Promise, I won’t fucking put this in my mouth. Great. Thanks.

  
Spider-Man- The colors got… kiddie-like. I love the contrast and darkness of the prototype Spidey a whole lot more. I guess a little wash is too much to ask for from Hasbro. They don’t do no stinkin’ wash! What really confuses the fuck out of me is how the hell Spidey did that to his own webbing? And even more to the point, WHY!? He needed a shiled made out of translucent webbing? Yay, Spidey. Oh, and Spidey should cut back on the cheesy poofs.

Iron Man (Stealth)- Unlike the other Iron Man, the color and darkness of the prototype is much preferred. The actual product doesn’t look very stealthy. Other than that, I’d say it’s pretty good.

So there you have it, folks. Final verdict is up to you, the consumer, as always. I will probably hold out for more 6 inch figures, and not snatch these up. Well, maybe an Iron Man for the office. When I see more stuff from the Internet, I’ll repost.

Oh, and thanks to Marvelousnews.com.