Best Kiddie Superhero Costumes
October 22, 2009So, we’re, what? Less than 2 weeks away from Halloween? To help you guys pick out what costume you’ll make your offspring endure through the heat and humiliation, I decided to compile some of the best superhero costumes for your kid. Think of them as suggestions on how you can make your child hate you a little more.
Despite what that horribly ugly banner I made says, I’d like to focus on superhero costumes instead of creepy cross-dressing. Also, goddamn, that banner is fucking ugly.
Thing is, year after year, we see a bajillion Spider-Man kids and a bajillion Batman kids and a bajillion Superman kids. We’re fucking sick of it, parents. We want you to give us something cool, so we won’t feel inclined to call your child a homosexual and then threaten him or her with physical harm as soon as you turn your atttention elsewhere.
Here are some suggestions:
- Moon Knight
Well, look at that, some kid actually did it.
See, parents? It isn’t that hard to be original. A little elbow grease on this baby, and it would almost not suck. Still, you get a few thousand extra points for not being Spider-Man, Wolverine, Superman or Batman. Especially Batman. Special gay mention goes to Robin.
- Rorschach
What’s cooler than dressing up your kid as a psychopath? Dressing him up as a trenchcoat wearing superhero psychopath! That’s what!
The great thing about this costume is that the only thing you have to make is the creepy rorshach mask. All you have to do is find a clothes shop that tailors to midgets. No, the mask doesn’t have to move around and create different shapes constantly, although if you could do that, you get an additional 2 million points.
- Dr. Doom
You can be an awesome parent and lazy at the very same time! Some Chinese guys are going to ship you this costume, and all you have to do is pay them some monies.
OTC stands for Oriental Trading Corporation. I’m not sure if they are, in fact, Chinese, but I wouldn’t put it past the Chinese to put out a product like this.
Moms and dads, if you want your kid to rule his schoolyard with an iron fist and face, make sure he gets in that costume this Halloween. You owe it to him to not be bullied for being a nerd, just like you once were.
- Batgirl
Remember, I said, it wasn’t cool to dress up your kid as Batman. I never said anything about Batgirl. Check it out- your daughter as Batgirl would not only be cool by little boy standards, but she’d be adorable by grown-up standards. (I had to rewrite that sentence about four times to make it sound the least pedophilic.)
This isn’t the girly-ass Batgirl either. It’s the leather and whips Batgirl. You know, the one that can beat Dick.
- Green Lantern
I’m pretty sure it won’t be long until legions of proud parents dress their kid up as a Green Lantern. Hell, there’s even a commercially available KICK ASS costume because of the popularity of John Stewart gained because of Justice League Unlimited cartoon series.
Your job now is to find and/or create an equally good Kyle Rayner, Hal Jordan or Kilowog costume. You get plus INFINITY points if you make a Guy Gardner costume and give your kid a bowl cut.
The following images are unrelated:
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@bowski and for those who don’t know
I am also a big wrestling fan. Although, of course, not as big now as I used to be. Back in highschool, Jet, one of my very best friends, and I would call ourselves the Midnight Gigolos. We were a tagteam.
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